What the F#*k Happens To Us When We Enter Relationship?

My Serenity Business called Serenity Living, previously Serenity Reiki & Wellness is a lifestyle brand & business.

This means to me, that I share my life. At least one aspect, my inner reality. My sense of peace and self expression in the world. The business is greater than just my insights, blogs and podcasts. So before I get into this subject, let me tell you where my energy is. I am menstruating, which in our monthly cycle of the natural seasons, I am in my winter phase. See more blog posts for information on the energy of each phase in our menstrual cycle.

This month, I have been active during my menstruation. Going on dates, being in public and not resting in my cave of a beautiful bedroom. I feel the effects of it manifesting as tired, want to spend a lifetime in bed, desiring affection and attention. And lack of physical well-being.

I desire to book a spa week. I wonder how much that would cost.. So as I write this today, I have soup cooking, fresh out of the bath and nothing on the calendar.

Here we go,

It is quite interesting navigating your individual energy and then introducing a second person in relationship with you and still trying to sense your energy now a second person is involved.

I feel like I can be a 9/10 as an individual in my energy and then when a man enters my life I feel fucked up. I can’t tell the difference between my own energy and what he is feeling. Can you relate?

What fascinates me about relationships, from the female perspective, is the neediness that comes up. For example, I have been extremely independent for about two years. Finding enjoyment in alone time yes, desiring a great romantic match to enter my life, but with a laid back expectation that it will eventually come.

Recently I met a very attractive man and we connected by talking on the phone and texting. We are really similar and communicate perfect. We had our first weekend together and there were certainly sparks in real life too. I had some beautiful moments with him.

But I noticed my lack of self assuredness pop up pretty quickly when we were together. I wish I could say this is not like me. The truth is that it isn’t like me when I am only in relationship with myself. When a man starts getting physical with me and we share moments of deep communion, I forget how to self source.

If he seems upset, I become upset. What the fuck. If I give him affection and I don’t feel it reciprocated I feel small and let down. What? Why do I all of a sudden rely on him for my sense of contentment? In past relationships I have been the same. With each relationship I gain insight and wisdom but it is so frustrating for me. I have many blogs on this subject with so called answers to the solution. It is one thing to intellectually grasp a variety of potential solutions, but it is very different to change your energy. This is done by moment by moment making corrections when you discover a way of error.

My immediate “solution” is to take a wide awareness view on this moment. Meaning, stepping back and out of the mind to notice what I am feeling, what actions I took and will take next. I am watching and accepting. Not rejecting.

I have an active mind. So I have learned to self soothe when my mind is thinking about a potentially negative experience. If I don’t use this mechanism, a spiral of overwhelm happens and I start thinking I need to make changes, and why am I not good enough? What do I have to do to change and be better? Nothing.. Nothing is wrong. This is something I am aware of and it is fine. Nothing is wrong. It just is what it is.

The negativity will pass and if insight is a result, it will rise to the surface once I’ve calmed down for me to pluck and have in my bank of life wisdom.

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So as this is my lifestyle brand and business, I will share with you how the coming months I put to practice in my everyday life the energy shifting of my romantic relationships. I will let you peak so that you can know you aren’t alone in this life experience and that there are ways to make each thing a little better, a little more aligned and self expressive of your divine design.

Love you, chat soon.